We’ve all encountered offensive public restrooms – those scrawl-walled stinkers with dribbly faucets and choked-up toilets that lack even a single square of TP.
However, we're showcasing the opposite: private spaces so clean and comfy they're almost as appealing as the food on your plate or the spirit in your glass. Almost.
Betsy Holmes lives in Bay View, goes out three to six times a week and says that although she would prefer a no-wait washroom experience, she demands one quality over all others in a bathroom: warmth.
"Lots of women’s restrooms are very chilly. I prefer a cozy sauna," says Holmes. "And purse hooks are nice, too."
Recently, I scouted out – with a little help from my Facebook friends – 11 of the city’s loveliest lavatories. Because I am a lady type, only the bathrooms with skirt-wearing stick figures on the doors were reported on. However, guys – as well as gals – are encouraged to contribute their opinions on the city's very best bathrooms.
But first, a quick shout out to Safe House for sporting the only restroom in town (maybe in the world) with a naked poster of Burt Reynolds and to the recently remodeled Palomino in Bay View which gets a "most improved."
Allium
2101 N. Prospect Ave., (414) 287-2053
alliummilwaukee.com
The lavender loo at Allium offers up everything a lady wants when relieving herself: attractive art on the walls, clean-even-in-the-corners wooden floors and a fresh – but not perfumey – smell. And extra rolls of toilet paper nicely stacked is always appreciated.
Beans & Barley
1901 E. North Ave., (414) 278-7878
beansandbarley.com
The unfaltering offering of fresh flowers next to the sinks makes Beans' bathrooms some of the city’s most bewitching. And even beyond the buds, this b-room is always clean and well lit, but not too well lit.
Bel Air (Wauwatosa)
6817 W. North Ave., (414) 988-8533
belaircantina.com/tosa.html
This Wauwatosa-based water closet has a rather plain appearance, but it makes the list because of the Spanish language audio lessons piped through the speakers. It’s not often that one can break the seal and learn how to say, "I am lost. Where is the restroom?" in another language. (Estoy perdido. ¿Dónde está el baño?)
Best Place
901 W. Juneau Ave., (414) 630-1609
bestplacemilwaukee.com
Leaded glass windows, lots of dark and ornately-carved wood and vintage soap dispensers make this potty place one of Brew City’s best. But the most interesting aspect, arguably, is the massive facing mirrors that create an infinity of your image.
Cafe Benelux
346 N. Broadway, (414) 501-2500
cafebenelux.com
The Euro-wall murals, unique floor tiles and, again, fresh flowers really make this a must-visit ladies’ room. And after a few Belgian beers, you won’t have a choice, so lucky for us lassies, it’s a sweet release spot.
Catch 22
770 N. Milwaukee St., (414) 223-1031
catch22mke.com
Two words: complimentary tampons.
Distil
722 N. Milwaukee St., (414) 220-9411
distilmilwaukee.com
Everything a gal wants in a washroom: full doors on stalls, nice smelling soap (Method Sea Mineral) and ambient rosy lighting that knocks off the face fatigue even after you’ve knocked back a few.
Honeypie
2643 S. Kinnickinnic Ave., (414) 489-7437
honeypiecafe.com
The wooden baby changing station, vintage iron sink and clean white-tiled walls contribute to the welcoming nature of this wondrous water closet, but the real appeal is the kitschy embroidered and latch-hooked art pieces adorning the wall.
Iron Horse Hotel
500 W. Florida St., (414) 543-4766
theironhorsehotel.com
This one might really rev you up. It's clean, spacious, warm toned and features a decor that's a delicate balance of modern industrial and natural elements. A row of windows is at least eight feet from the floor and adds natural light with privacy.
The Noble
704 S. 2nd St., (414) 243-4997
nobleprovisions.com
As if the cozy restaurant isn’t cute enough, the restrooms are absolutely adorable. The perfect display of vintage items – from album covers to vintage ads to a rack of hats – makes it feel like you're peeing and thrifting at the same time. Plus, it's super clean and there's always an abundance of the goods.
Triskele’s
1801 S. 3rd St., (414) 837-5950
triskelesrestaurant.com
Hyper hygienic and attractive, the best part of this lavatory is the carved Celtic symbol on the wall, which is the restaurant’s logo. Also, there's a bonus ceramic rooster.
Molly Snyder started writing and publishing her work at the age 10, when her community newspaper printed her poem, "The Unicorn.” Since then, she's expanded beyond the subject of mythical creatures and written in many different mediums but, nearest and dearest to her heart, thousands of articles for OnMilwaukee.
Molly is a regular contributor to FOX6 News and numerous radio stations as well as the co-host of "Dandelions: A Podcast For Women.” She's received five Milwaukee Press Club Awards, served as the Pfister Narrator and is the Wisconsin State Fair’s Celebrity Cream Puff Eating Champion of 2019.
