Tom Brady ... to Randy Moss.

Repeat.

Let that soak into your head, football fans.

The deal the Patriots swung to excise the Raiders' resident roster cancer, is about 1/100th of an inch from being so unfair that the commissioner should strike it down.

The Patriots not only get a potential Hall of Famer who just turned 30, but they do so for a pedestrian fourth-round pick. Making the heist even more galling for every other team in the league is that Moss agreed to restructure his contract, essentially kissing goodbye $21 million in favor of a one-year, $3 million deal with incentives.

I can only conclude one thing: Bill Belichick has mastered the "Obi-Wan Kenobi Mind Warp Trick."

Oh, what's that you say, you Moss haters? He'll ruin the Patriots? They have finally downloaded the mother of all football viruses? Wait until he starts bitching about something, anything?

Please.

Randy Moss is a quintessential front-runner. When things are going well, he'll be high steppin' and smiling from ear to ear. And you can pretty much bet, the Patriots will be "running in the front" this year.

Moss with a Super Bowl favorite and the best quarterback in the game, is like cat poop in your freezer. You really won't smell it, unless you put your nose right up to it. Of course, take that cat poop and leave it out in unfavorable conditions -- like say the mid-day summer sun, or the Oakland Raiders as run by senile Al Davis and clueless Art Shell - and, well, of course it's gonna stink to high heaven.

During his career, Randy Moss has made two things abundantly clear:

1. He is not a leader.

2. Has no plans to become one.

Great. On this team, such services are not required. Should the Patriots somehow go into a three-game skid that requires certain stars to ask "What's wrong with the Patriots?" you can bet he won't be the one the media starts asking. Bruschi, Belichick and Brady, who apparently restructured his own contract to enable the team to sign Moss. 

Besides, I still don't see how they can have a three-game losing skid when they are a virtual lock to go 14-2.

What Moss did was not new. A pro jock diva who has made a lot of money but somehow lost respect along the way, can always redeem himself by latching onto a fast-moving winners' parade.

See Rodman, Dennis. Chicago Bulls, 1995-‘98.

You combine this little trick with snatching Adalius Thomas from the Baltimore Ravens via free agency, and you might as well call them the "Madden 2007 Patriots" on "Dynasty Mode."

Even the moves Bob Kraft and Co. made, which had me initially scratching my head (i.e. a second-rounder for Wes Welker?), all make sense now. In addition to the versatile white-guy Swiss-Army Knife wideout / return man in Welker, the Pats added deep threat Donte' Stallworth for a totally team-slanted free agent deal.

Hell, Belichick and company even bucked the conventional wisdom that said "better be careful not to take any players with ‘character issues'" now that the Commish is bringing down the hammer.

By taking ‘Canes safety Brandon Merriweather (director of the off-Broadway football musical "Stomp,") the Patriots said: "New sheriff in town? So what? We're the Patriots. Watch this!"

It might actually make sense, if you believe that some would-be trouble-makers like Merriweather will actually keep a lower profile now that Adam Jones has been made such a public example.

All in all, about the only thing stopping the Patriots this year, is a (gasp!) big-time injury to the No. 12 car. Otherwise, I can sum it like this: "Sucks to be in the AFC, doesn't it?"