"Bar Month" at OnMilwaukee.com is back for another round! The whole month of February, we're serving up intoxicatingly fun articles on bars and clubs -- including guides, the latest trends, rapid bar reviews and more. Grab a designated driver and dive in!

Before you hang me in effigy, please read past this blog's headline. I'm not advocating endangering lives by drunk driving. I am, however, wondering exactly why it's illegal to drink at all while driving.

It's not illegal to drive after drinking. The legal limit of .08 percent allows you to operate a motor vehicle after quite a bit of imbibing, actually. A 200-pound man, for example, can legally pilot a car after chugging six beers in three hours, give or take.

That same driver cannot, however, drink a single glass of wine while listening to NPR in rush hour on his way home from work at the end of a busy week.

Seriously, tell me what poses a greater risk on the road: a bar patron slamming a shot and immediately driving home (you know you've seen it happen), or drinking a single beer on the way to a Brewers game?

I can't speak for everyone, but six cocktails in three hours, followed by highway driving, doesn't strike me as particularly safe.  Yet it's perfectly legal.

I'd argue that a big part of drunk driving is the "one for the road" mentality at bars. Why is the government telling us that we're expected to drink responsibly at home or in a tavern, but not in between?

Further, can someone please explain the open container laws? If I'm a designated driver for the night, why should I care if my passengers are doing keg stands in the backseat? If John Q. Law is so concerned that I will cave into peer pressure and start shotgunning beer because the other people in the car are consuming, then it's passing quite a judgment on my decision-making skills.

Frankly, I'd be less likely to mix a martini while barreling down the highway than I would be to order a drink out of boredom at the bar while my drunk friends are having themselves a great time.

And finally, since I'll be getting plenty of hate mail over this blog, anyway, I've gotta raise this question, though it's more a theoretical question than my actual opinion: Is the crime drunk driving, or is it driving dangerously while drunk?

Science, not morality, dictates that different people perform differently when intoxicated. You know this is true. You've seen experienced (read: problem) drinkers pack away tons of booze and seem stone-cold sober, while others drink half a beer and can barely stand.

I don't really believe claims from those who say they drive better when drunk, but they raise an interesting point. When they're paranoid about getting pulled over, they drive exactly the speed limit, obey traffic laws to a tee, and drive incredibly conscientiously. I'm sure their reaction times are slowed by the effects of alcohol, but I'm not sure it's any worse than elderly drivers swerving all over the road, or soccer moms drinking coffee and yapping on their cell phones while their screaming kids blare DVDs in the back of the minivan. And for now, those drivers aren't breaking any laws that I know of (although they can be ticketed for inattentive driving).

A while back, I joined the Milwaukee Police Department in a DUI enforcement ride-along. One of the cops told me a story about a time he pulled over a car for a busted taillight or something. He smelled a little alcohol on the driver's breath, but he acted completely sober. He passed every balance test with flying colors, and he was driving perfectly when he was stopped. Because of this, the officer almost didn't perform a field sobriety test until he noticed the tell-tale sign of intoxication: when you're drunk and are asked to look to the extreme right and left of your field of vision, your pupils will wiggle a little. That was enough for the cop to test the driver, and despite all other appearances of normality, he turned out to be legally drunk and was arrested.

What would be the outcome of making driving dangerously while drunk the crime? If you're not swerving, running red lights or speeding, are you endangering lives? A cop can't pull you over and give you a ticket because he thinks you're likely to speed later on in the night. Why should he arrest you because he assumes you can't hold your liquor?

Of course, I realize this entire blog is an exercise in futility, and there's no way drivers will ever be allowed to drink responsibly, nor will laws ever legally allow passengers to keep an open container in the car. And I know that DUI laws save lives, too.

Please understand that it breaks my heart to hear about lives lost due to innocent victims struck down by drunken idiots behind the wheel. It's absolutely tragic, and I understand that virtually everyone believes that harsh laws against drunk driving are so very important. My only question is if these laws are effective, and if they are specifically fine-tuned to protect our citizens -- or if they are an easy way to give the appearance that government is fighting a serious problem on the roads.

If someone gets pulled over for driving drunk -- and he's driving even a little badly -- I say throw the book at him.  Take away his license for a long time.  Jack his insurance rates through the roof. Throw him in jail. Put a breathalyzer in his car, assuming he ever regains the right to drive.  If he kills or injures someone, lock him away for a long time. Arrest the bartender who overserved him, too, and make him an accomplice.

Finally, let's make public transportation a reality in Milwaukee.  Whether it's a rail solution, or even the ability to actually hail a cab in the city, let's make it less attractive for people in Brew City to drive drunk.

Do all these things, and do them with vigilance. Teach teens the reality of responsible drinking and treat alcoholism as a disease and not as badge of honor.

I just get a little defensive when our laws preach morality -- or they attempt to put a band-aid solution on a complicated problem. Really, why stop here?

Unless drinking becomes completely illegal, I'm not sure where and how you do it really matters. I'm not strongly craving a beer on my way home from work tonight, either, I'm just saying: I bet most chronic drunk drivers aren't swayed one bit over legal limits. It's the rest of us responsible, law-abiding citizens that wind up getting the shaft.