Each week, local "women about town" Anjl Rodee and Marilynn Mee answer OnMilwaukee.com readers' questions about relationships, romance and whatever else is on your mind. They point out that this column is "for entertainment purposes only," but they mostly say that so they don't get sued. Send your questions to Anjl and Marilynn at anjlandmarilynn@staff.onmilwaukee.com.
Dear Anjl & Marilynn,
Glad that you are both doing this, I think it will be a wonderful feature for OnMilwaukee.com, and I look forward to your advice.
I am about to turn 27 and my love life is staring me in the face. I've got a great job that I put many hours into, wonderful friends, and a great apartment that I share with my boyfriend of three-plus years. I am very content with my current situation. My boyfriend, however, during a recent heart-to-heart, mentioned that while he's also happy with where we're at, doesn't know if he could ever marry me. This obviously concerns me. While I don't want to get married anytime soon, I don't want to rule it out as the eventual "upgrade" for our current relationship. I mean, I love the guy, and can envision myself with him in that way, and have even thought about what our kids might be like. It really hurt when he said he didn't know about me for the long run, and thinking about it again makes me a little angry. I mean, nobody's perfect, but why put the work into a relationship for three years only to maybe think you don't ultimately click with them, enough to stay with them?
So I guess my question is, do I stick around and give this relationship all I've got, or do I say "screw you, then" and split with him? My heart says to stay, it makes me really sad to imagine my life without him, but I don't want to prolong things if he isn't sure about me. I don't want to screw myself over. I look forward to your advice on this.
Dear Free Milk,
Marilynn: I can't understand why you took the time to write this letter when you could have been using it to pack up your things and circle apartment ads on the other side of town.
Anjl: I wholeheartedly agree. It would be one thing if this guy was saying that he doesn't believe in marriage, but he's specifically telling you that he doesn't think you're the one. Do NOT waste another week on this man. If he doesn't know after three plus years, he's not gonna figure it out after five. Or six. Or 10.
MM: The longer you stay in this relationship, the harder it's going to be to leave. And the more resentful and unhappy you'll be.
AR: We aren't man-hating here -- we're not telling you to leave because he's evil. We're telling you to leave because there is no future for you with him.
MM: The sooner you leave, the sooner you'll get over him. I can tell you, within a few days, how long it will take.
AR: Really? I'm curious. How many?
MM: It will take you approximately one week for every month you've been together. So in Free Milk's case, it will take about nine months to be completely over him.
AR: Well, according to my self-help book, it's six months, no matter how long you've been together. After six months, you can even be friends.
MM: What if you've only been dating for one month? I find it hard to believe it would take six whole months ...
AR: Depends how good that one month was.
MM: Good point. Back the situation at hand: The one good thing I will say about this guy is that as much as it hurt to hear it, at least you know what's going on.
AR: Wasn't there a "Sex in the City" episode about this very subject? And then a book called "He's Just Not that Into You." Life-altering. You should read it.
MM: Me, or Free Milk?
AR: Both of you. All women should read it. I talked at length with some of my good guy friends about this very subject. Guys who are bad boyfriends are not bad people, they just don't care enough to be good. Then a girl comes along that makes those very same men sit up one day and say to themselves, "I could spend the rest of my life with this girl," and bam! a good boyfriend is born.
This thought usually comes within the first few months of meeting. A man is not going to learn some astounding thing about you in the ninth year of your relationship that will make him suddenly realize that you're the one. If he waits that long to propose, it's because he just doesn't really want to.
MM: Hmm, well, how nice that you're mentioning it now, instead of seven years ago when it could have changed the course of my life!
AR: (nervous laugh) Well, it didn't come up ...
Free Milk, you sound like a really together girl. Go and find the guy that will appreciate how great you are, and will be excited about spending the rest of his life with you. Let us know how you're doing.
Anjl Rodee is a jack of all things right-brained. After a variety of odd jobs, from singing telegrams to ballroom dance instructor to weekend overnight DJ on Lazer 103, Anjl earned a Bachelor of Arts degree from Mount Mary College and settled down to a nice career as an award-winning artist. At night Anjl can be found playing with a variety of local bands. She currently fronts a classic band called Radio Doctors, and plays bass and accordion with her friend Chris Demay.
Marilynn Mee has been a fixture on Milwaukee radio for most of her adult life. After a short stint on WQFM, she joined Lazer 103 at its inception. After several years as a Bob and Brian sidekick, Marilynn became midday host and music director, earning national recognition from the likes of Billboard magazine and Radio & Records. She is currently the midday host on 96.5 WKLH. Marilynn is a well-known animal lover, lending her name and free time to humane societies and animal rescue groups.
Anjl is a mother and grandmother and is in a committed relationship. Marilynn is single and mom to 2.5 dogs and a one-eyed cat. Anjl and Marilynn both hail from the greater Milwaukee area and have been best friends for 20 years.
