It has been a while since I posted a "Midlife Isis" blog. Earlier this year, I promised to write this series regularly, but it took a while to position it in a way that was comfortable for everyone involved. The subject matter is of a sensitive matter, and not everyone is as "open booky" as I am. I get it.
And yet, I cannot deny this deep, sick (ha) need I have to process pieces of my life through public-forum writing. Maybe I was born this way. Maybe I really, truly was dropped on my head. (Mom?) In any case, I am moving forward with this blog, but if you want to look back to get a better idea of what's going on here, you can check this blog.
Or you can just know that after a 17-year relationship and two kids, I got divorced and, currently, I am learning how to co-parent in a way that's healthy and supportive for everyone.
The hardest part – and the ironic part – is that successful co-parenting requires a crap ton of communication. Arguably, even more communication and better communication than most separated / divorced couples experienced during their marriage.
When custody is shared, there is a lot of planning ahead and figuring out who's doing what when, and when communication lacks, someone's driving a stuffed elephant with a missing eye across town at bedtime.
Communicating extensively and effectively with someone you would rather not communicate with is tricky. Some days, you gotta be nothing more than a lip-biting poser. A ring-less master able to vaporize hurt feelings so you can chat about field trips.
And the fact is, you might have exhibited some unsavory behaviors as the marriage swirled down the stink hole, but co-parenting – successful co-parenting – demands a freaking mountain of self control.
Arguably, co-parents need therapy as much as or more than together couples even though most divorced couples are not going to make the time or spend the money to do so.
However, you don't need a therapist to express that you're bound to your former spouse for an entire lifetime. That you split up the DVDs and gave up the appliances, but this person, this person who has the same ears as your son, is going to need your attention on a regular basis. And so you accept that you might not have gotten the communication piece right in your marriage, but you're going to perfect it in the post-marriage. Because if not, you cannot and will not be the co-parents your kids deserve.
This life. Oh, this life.
Molly Snyder started writing and publishing her work at the age 10, when her community newspaper printed her poem, "The Unicorn.” Since then, she's expanded beyond the subject of mythical creatures and written in many different mediums but, nearest and dearest to her heart, thousands of articles for OnMilwaukee.
Molly is a regular contributor to FOX6 News and numerous radio stations as well as the co-host of "Dandelions: A Podcast For Women.” She's received five Milwaukee Press Club Awards, served as the Pfister Narrator and is the Wisconsin State Fair’s Celebrity Cream Puff Eating Champion of 2019.
