It’s February so let’s check in on the resolutions. Have you started going to the gym again? Eating healthy? Or maybe your resolution is to be grateful and enjoy every moment of your life or be a better parent, worker, friend or partner.

A new year means we need to make resolutions, right? Or does it? Are resolutions even something we should spend our time on?

Forbes recently wrote about resolutions and notes that New Year’s resolutions typically involve one of three wishes: the wish to stop avoiding something (getting rid of all the excess junk in your house), the wish to stop doing something that makes you feel good (drinking, eating out, eating junk food, smoking) or the wish to start doing something that doesn’t come naturally to you (exercise, keeping a gratitude journal, being more social). You have probably been nodding your head while reading these examples. Maybe all of those are on your resolutions list for 2019. Individually, all of those are great goals, but trying to tackle more than one of them at a time, can be very difficult.

But why? Why can’t we make a whole list of New Year’s resolutions? What’s the harm? And why is it so hard to be successful?

Here’s why: New Year's resolutions are made not out of motivation but out of habit.

We make them on Dec. 31 or Jan. 1 because it’s just a thing people do. A new year is time for reflection, looking back on the year that passed and looking ahead at what is to come. While we do this, it inspires a whole lot of ideas about what you want to be different and what you want to achieve. The harm is, since creating new behaviors or stopping old ones is actually a really difficult task, it is pretty likely we will fail.

Ouch. Fail? Well, yes. It’s likely we will not be able to accomplish new resolutions right away. It takes a lot of practice to do something new and different. Generally, it takes at least 30 days (and very likely double) of practicing that behavior on a near perfect basis before it becomes habit, but it can be done with motivation and perseverance.

My concern is if you aren’t really motivated to accomplish your new resolution, when you do fail, you may feel really bad about it. And if you set five resolutions and fail at all of them, that bad feeling can actually begin to feel like sadness, or even depression, depending on how much you beat yourself up about it.

So ... you might be wondering: The therapist writing this article doesn’t believe in resolutions? Well, no, I don’t. But I do believe in setting attainable goals. And that can happen during any part of the year. And it should.

When something isn’t going the way we want, we should reflect, evaluate and set a goal to make a change. These goals, because they are closely linked to what is going on in your life at that moment, are driven by motivation and you are likely only focusing on one or two things, not a whole list as we tend to do while making New Year's resolutions. Attainable goals, created out of motivation, are much more likely to be achieved than a laundry list of wishes. Wishes are for magic wands – and I still haven’t found one of those despite reading a lot of fairy-related books to my children.

Because I do believe that we should always be trying to better our lives and reach contentment, I have included below some resources that have been helpful to me and/or someone I know. You may want to archive this list and use these resources throughout the year, not just in January when your New Year's resolutions list is burning a hole in your brain, wallet, purse or journal.

Financial

• Dave Ramsey’s books and his course, "Financial Peace," are great resources for budgeting, getting out of debt and building wealth.
• A financial planner will look at your whole financial picture and offer advice. Make sure you check their background at adviserinfo.sec.gov and that they are a Certified Financial Planner.

Health and wellness

• Sacred Sound Yoga offers a unique combination of yoga, movement and music.
• Nutritionists and dieticians can help you meet your health or weight goals.
• Check out Fitness Milwaukee for information on their "Passport" that allows you to find the perfect fit for your fitness needs.
• Behrens Psychotherapy Services and Shoreside Therapies offers mental health counseling and coaching.

Spiritual/religious

• Search the Yellow Pages for churches.
• Cornerstone Church Milwaukee, Eastbrook Church and Epikos Church have a reputation for being welcoming.
• Milwaukee Zen Center provides a place for mediation, study and reflection.

Relationships

• For marriage counseling, contact Laurie Groh, LPC or another therapist that specializes in marriage counseling.
• Books written by John Gottman offer advice.
• Match.com, Bumble and Tinder are all popular online dating sites.
• Behrens Psychotherapy Services and The Family Mediation Center offers divorce and family mediation, consultation and resources.

Social

• Try Meetup.com to find new connections, friends and a group that interests you

Parenting

• "1-2-3 Magic," "Parenting with Love and Logic," "Raising Your Spirited Child" and "Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood" can be very helpful books as parenting guides.
• The Parenting Network offers parenting classes and resources.