Handicapping college football games is a lot like golfing. It is frustrating and makes you want to throw things.
However, like golf, all it takes is a little taste of success in football prognostication and you’ll be back for more. Trust me. Because your average 25-over, "Who is ready for another Bloody Mary and a tall boy of Icehouse" golfer will not remember the 106 he signed off on at day’s end. What he will remember is the miraculous sand shot he unexplainably jarred on No. 17. Similarly, most college football analysts conveniently forget the seven games they picked incorrectly just so long as they properly predicted the astronomical total in the Hawaii/Fresno State game.
Picking football games is not for the faint of heart. It’s like anything in sports: what have you done for me lately? If you begin to slack on your game, people will start to whisper.
Just ask Brett Favre. Or Derrick Turnbow. Or the racing Bratwurst at Miller Park. I mean, seriously, 16 victories in 2006? Inexcusable.
On to this Saturday’s big games (picks in bold against the point spread)
No. 17 Wisconsin (-6) at Purdue
The Badgers have clearly established themselves as the third-best team in the Big Ten after completely dismantling the Gophers last weekend, thus reclaiming the largest man-made axe in history. (By the way, isn’t time for a new trophy in this rivalry? Couldn’t they like, I don’t know, get an actual ox and spray paint it blue? Or maybe give each player on the winning team an animal-skin hat? That’s a year’s worth of paperwork for Madison animal right activists, right there.)
UW is first in the conference in scoring offense (33.9 points per game) thanks mainly to the running of freshman P.J. Hill. Hill is second in the country with 1,011 yards and reminds Badgers fans of a skinnier, faster, more athletic Ron Dayne.
With defenses loading the box in an attempt to stop Hill, John Stocco has been able to find open receivers. Look for more of the same against a Purdue defense that was easily picked apart by Brady Quinn and Notre Dame.
The Badgers secondary, led by sophomore Allen Langford (three interceptions), will be tested by Purdue quarterback Curtis Painter and the conference’s top passing offense (327.1 ypg). Still, the Badgers boast the Big Ten’s best pass defense and should be able to contain the Purdue passing game.
Indiana at No. 1 Ohio State (-30.5)
With these ridiculously large spreads, I’ve always wondered if a team could overcome the total if they actually started the game down, say, 30.5 - 0. I mean, how much cooler would this game be if the Hoosiers actually started ahead by this margin? This would be the highest rated game of all-time.
Can’t you just hear former Buckeyes star Chris Spielman exploding in the broadcast booth about how unfair this is, ripping off his headset and going all Dennis Green during the beginning of the ESPN Plus telecast, then writing obscenities directed toward NCAA president Miles Brand on the teleprompter and storming out? All the while Holly Rowe or Dave Revsine is trying to coax him to come back and finish the broadcast?
This would be simply fantastic.
Forget BCS computer programs and expanding March Madness, these are the types of things the NCAA needs to be discussing.
No. 23 Iowa at No. 2 Michigan (-13)
Beware of the trap game. Michigan is high off their victory in Happy Valley, their newly-anointed No. 2 ranking and impending showdown against the Buckeyes. Iowa just lost to Indiana. In football. Watch out for Kirk Ferentz’s team this week in Ann Arbor. (Author’s note: I should mention that I thought MSU was a trap game for Ohio State last week. And, that I hate Michigan like poison.)
UCLA at No. 10 Notre Dame (-13.5)
My logic here is that I’m fine with UCLA covering the almost two touchdown spread just so long as the Irish come away with the victory. This is betting reverse psychology and, as an Irish fan, this is ND’s toughest game until the season finale at USC. Notre Dame by 10.
No. 5 Texas (-7) at No. 17 Nebraska
Is anybody impressed with all these powerhouse teams like Texas absolutely crushing the North Texas’s and Rice’s and Sam Houston’s of the world? That is so Buckyish. Talk to me after you handle The Big Red in Lincoln.
No. 22 Boston College at Florida State (-4)
As an Irish fan, growing up these two schools caused me more pain and heartache than acne and popular girls and that FOIL method used in algebra. Remember when I said I hate the Wolverines? Yeah, well I hate these two schools more. Still, playing in Tallahassee is kind of scary what with that face-painted Seminole guy riding around on horseback with a flaming spear raised overhead. Nothing politically incorrect there.
No. 13 Georgia Tech at No. 12 Clemson (-7.5)
The ACC this season is like the National League in baseball. Its teams really aren’t that good, but you pay attention anyways because there are one or two teams with potential. Tech and Clemson are those two teams.
Reggie Ball and Calvin Johnson go up against a Clemson pass defense that is ranked first in the ACC. Tech is for real, having already knocked off Virginia Tech and taken Notre Dame to the wire. Clemson is coming off a 63-9 throttling of Temple. That’s Temple. If I hadn’t recently seen a rerun of The Cosby Show with Bill Cosby wearing a Temple football sweatshirt, I wouldn’t have even known they had a football program. Oh wait. Yes, I would have known. They’re the school that has lost 450 games in a row.
Miami (-17.5) at Duke
Remember in grade school when there would be a huge fight at recess and everyone would be standing around yelling and then everyone would talk about it for the entire lunch period?
Then, somehow, you would get paired with the wild and unstable haymaker–throwing kid that dominated the fight for flash card practice immediately after lunch? The kid would still be sweaty and have blood all over his shirt and look at you like he was going to make you swallow your box of 64 Crayolas? This is Miami and Duke this weekend.
I fear for the lives of Duke’s players.
However, like golf, all it takes is a little taste of success in football prognostication and you’ll be back for more. Trust me. Because your average 25-over, "Who is ready for another Bloody Mary and a tall boy of Icehouse" golfer will not remember the 106 he signed off on at day’s end. What he will remember is the miraculous sand shot he unexplainably jarred on No. 17. Similarly, most college football analysts conveniently forget the seven games they picked incorrectly just so long as they properly predicted the astronomical total in the Hawaii/Fresno State game.
Picking football games is not for the faint of heart. It’s like anything in sports: what have you done for me lately? If you begin to slack on your game, people will start to whisper.
Just ask Brett Favre. Or Derrick Turnbow. Or the racing Bratwurst at Miller Park. I mean, seriously, 16 victories in 2006? Inexcusable.
On to this Saturday’s big games (picks in bold against the point spread)
No. 17 Wisconsin (-6) at Purdue
The Badgers have clearly established themselves as the third-best team in the Big Ten after completely dismantling the Gophers last weekend, thus reclaiming the largest man-made axe in history. (By the way, isn’t time for a new trophy in this rivalry? Couldn’t they like, I don’t know, get an actual ox and spray paint it blue? Or maybe give each player on the winning team an animal-skin hat? That’s a year’s worth of paperwork for Madison animal right activists, right there.)
UW is first in the conference in scoring offense (33.9 points per game) thanks mainly to the running of freshman P.J. Hill. Hill is second in the country with 1,011 yards and reminds Badgers fans of a skinnier, faster, more athletic Ron Dayne.
With defenses loading the box in an attempt to stop Hill, John Stocco has been able to find open receivers. Look for more of the same against a Purdue defense that was easily picked apart by Brady Quinn and Notre Dame.
The Badgers secondary, led by sophomore Allen Langford (three interceptions), will be tested by Purdue quarterback Curtis Painter and the conference’s top passing offense (327.1 ypg). Still, the Badgers boast the Big Ten’s best pass defense and should be able to contain the Purdue passing game.
Indiana at No. 1 Ohio State (-30.5)
With these ridiculously large spreads, I’ve always wondered if a team could overcome the total if they actually started the game down, say, 30.5 - 0. I mean, how much cooler would this game be if the Hoosiers actually started ahead by this margin? This would be the highest rated game of all-time.
Can’t you just hear former Buckeyes star Chris Spielman exploding in the broadcast booth about how unfair this is, ripping off his headset and going all Dennis Green during the beginning of the ESPN Plus telecast, then writing obscenities directed toward NCAA president Miles Brand on the teleprompter and storming out? All the while Holly Rowe or Dave Revsine is trying to coax him to come back and finish the broadcast?
This would be simply fantastic.
Forget BCS computer programs and expanding March Madness, these are the types of things the NCAA needs to be discussing.
No. 23 Iowa at No. 2 Michigan (-13)
Beware of the trap game. Michigan is high off their victory in Happy Valley, their newly-anointed No. 2 ranking and impending showdown against the Buckeyes. Iowa just lost to Indiana. In football. Watch out for Kirk Ferentz’s team this week in Ann Arbor. (Author’s note: I should mention that I thought MSU was a trap game for Ohio State last week. And, that I hate Michigan like poison.)
UCLA at No. 10 Notre Dame (-13.5)
My logic here is that I’m fine with UCLA covering the almost two touchdown spread just so long as the Irish come away with the victory. This is betting reverse psychology and, as an Irish fan, this is ND’s toughest game until the season finale at USC. Notre Dame by 10.
No. 5 Texas (-7) at No. 17 Nebraska
Is anybody impressed with all these powerhouse teams like Texas absolutely crushing the North Texas’s and Rice’s and Sam Houston’s of the world? That is so Buckyish. Talk to me after you handle The Big Red in Lincoln.
No. 22 Boston College at Florida State (-4)
As an Irish fan, growing up these two schools caused me more pain and heartache than acne and popular girls and that FOIL method used in algebra. Remember when I said I hate the Wolverines? Yeah, well I hate these two schools more. Still, playing in Tallahassee is kind of scary what with that face-painted Seminole guy riding around on horseback with a flaming spear raised overhead. Nothing politically incorrect there.
No. 13 Georgia Tech at No. 12 Clemson (-7.5)
The ACC this season is like the National League in baseball. Its teams really aren’t that good, but you pay attention anyways because there are one or two teams with potential. Tech and Clemson are those two teams.
Reggie Ball and Calvin Johnson go up against a Clemson pass defense that is ranked first in the ACC. Tech is for real, having already knocked off Virginia Tech and taken Notre Dame to the wire. Clemson is coming off a 63-9 throttling of Temple. That’s Temple. If I hadn’t recently seen a rerun of The Cosby Show with Bill Cosby wearing a Temple football sweatshirt, I wouldn’t have even known they had a football program. Oh wait. Yes, I would have known. They’re the school that has lost 450 games in a row.
Miami (-17.5) at Duke
Remember in grade school when there would be a huge fight at recess and everyone would be standing around yelling and then everyone would talk about it for the entire lunch period?
Then, somehow, you would get paired with the wild and unstable haymaker–throwing kid that dominated the fight for flash card practice immediately after lunch? The kid would still be sweaty and have blood all over his shirt and look at you like he was going to make you swallow your box of 64 Crayolas? This is Miami and Duke this weekend.
I fear for the lives of Duke’s players.
