The televised pop culture magnifying lens, Showtime Network's "Californication," true to form, brought up a tantalizing personal preening issue a couple of episodes ago.
Season five, episode three examines the disappearance of pubic hair from younger generational nether regions.
The topic is first illustrated by compulsive masturbator Charlie, who has taken to watching "vintage" pornography because he has become so desensitized by the graphic nature of what's available now. He is shown partaking in some "old skool" porn complete with real boobs and ample "bush."
The fictional prophet of Los Angeles, envy of men and bed wish of women everywhere, Hank, then brings up the topic again in a bar exchange where he ponders (and I must paraphrase here), "if your father loved your mother's parts any less because they had more hair on them?"
Yes, a full plume of pubic hair has become a thing of the past, like VHS tapes and home phones.
The hairless wonder was also recently showcased in an amazing article in The Atlantic, "The New Full Frontal: Has Pubic Hair in America Gone Extinct?"
A friend brought this piece to my attention and when I told him I hold Esthetics licenses in three states and have administered these dos down there – he thought I should expound on this.
I started self-administering Brazilians and was quoted saying that "hair only belongs on my head" long before Kim Kardashian said something similar and showed the world her pubic styling preference. I committed to the permanent option a decade ago when lasers were not as advanced as they are today, making for a ridiculous number of excruciating treatments. Tattoos or a traditional Brazilian are nothing when compared with the snapping sizzle of a laser on your lady bits.
But, it's not women's lack of hair down below that fascinates me.
Women do as other women do when it comes to beauty trends. Competitiveness, curiosity and fear of not measuring up to other females (or their lovers' expectations) have compelled ladies to submit to what, no matter what anyone tells you, hurts like hell.
It's the complete lack of thatch on dudes that has me in a quandary.
What happened to the hairway to heaven?
It's probably been ripped off by a strip of hot wax, shaved by the unforgiving edge of a blade or follicularly destroyed by the beam of a laser.
The male crotch thicket has been obliterated.
I am blatantly sexist when it comes to pubic hair grooming. Men should not go barren below the belt.
I find (non-excessive) male body hair a super sexy expression of masculinity. Especially when properly placed, tidied up and displayed over a nice physique. But "groomed" is different than bald – especially when referring to the landscape down under.
I don't want to see a John C. Reilly or Justin Timberlake circa 'N Sync 'fro when you (or I) unbutton your fly. But, I also don't want to bear witness to the genital equivalent of Evan Handler's, Ben Kingsley's, or Mr. Clean's domes either.
Strategic trimming is certainly attractive and appreciated (I give permission to go stark on the family jewels,) but please stay away from the pre-pubescent look on the bulk of the full-frontal vicinity. Do not do as Mr.Miyagi told the Karate Kid and completely "wax off!"
Let me be crystal here. Removing the hair around your penis does not make it look bigger. We can discern the size of your wang with your crotch 'do left intact.
Simply set your trimmer to a conservative setting and landscape your precious cargo.
Don't deforest.
Lindsay Garric is a Milwaukee native who calls her favorite city home base for as long as her lifestyle will allow her. A hybrid of a makeup artist, esthetician, personal trainer and entrepreneur all rolled into a tattooed, dolled-up package, she has fantasies of being a big, bad rock star who lives in a house with a porch and a white picket fence, complete with small farm animals in a version of Milwaukee that has a tropical climate.
A mishmash of contradictions, colliding polar opposites and a dash of camp, her passion is for all pretty things and the products that go with it. From makeup to workouts, food to fashion, Lindsay has a polished finger on the pulse of beauty, fashion, fitness and nutrition trends and is super duper excited to share that and other randomness from her crazy, sexy, gypsy life with the readers of OnMilwaukee.com.
