Today we're going to have a test. Here's how it works.

I'll give you a description of something. You have to decide if it's a farce or the real deal. Use a No. 2 pencil to circle the correct answer. No looking at anybody else's paper. No talking. No gum chewing. Raise your hand if you have to go to the bathroom. You can't go during the test, but raise your hand anyway. I'm not stupid. I know you've got answers written on the bathroom wall.

This should be an easy test for you. I know everybody says that, but I mean it. After all, I'm going to give you the answers.

1. The fact that the Milwaukee Bucks, with a sub-.500 record are fighting for a playoff berth is ridiculous. I heard one of the blowhards on talk radio scream last week that "any team that has a losing record and makes the playoffs should hang their head in shame." Farce or the real deal?

Answer: It's the real deal, of course. It's not the Bucks fault that eight teams make the playoffs. We should denigrate our hometown team for their battle for a berth in the playoffs? That's crazy. Let me remind all of you that our Green Bay Packers had to play three road games on their way to the Super Bowl title.

2. The new NFL rule moving the kickoff from the 30- to the 35-yard line. The logic behind this is to help cut down on injuries to players on the coverage teams who come running down the field like banshees and often end up getting nailed in mid-stride. It hurts. Farce or the real deal?

Answer: This is a farce. Football is a rough game. People get hurt. It's one of the things that makes the sport as popular as it is. Football is a game for real men. Plus, that five yard change will obviously result in a lot more touchbacks, thereby diminishing the opportunity for one of the most exciting plays in the sport, returning a kickoff for a touchdown.

3. The baseball rule that allows a batter to run to first after a dropped third strike call: farce or the real deal?

Answer: Farce. When was the last time you saw a batter make it safely to first on one of these. I know the rationale behind this rule is that the defense has to succeed by catching the ball. But it seems to me the defense has already succeeded by striking out the batter.

4. Offensive holding in the National Football League: farce or the real deal?

Answer: Farce. First of all, nobody knows what it really is. Secondly if you do think you know what it is, then you can see it happen on every single play. I say let them hold. It's up to the defensive players to shake free. This change would also help the offense, something the NFL seems to like.

5. NCAA rules that prohibit college athletes from taking anything of value: farce or the real deal?

Answer: The real deal. I know there's a popular school of thought that says since so many athletes raise so much money for colleges they ought to get paid. But I think there is room in this world for amateur sports. And I think that room includes colleges. I think college sports would be a lot better off with money, perks and fanatic alumni banned and that those bans actually be enforced.

6. The Milwaukee Brewers going through a spring training with a string of injuries that Wisconsin sports fans seem to be used to dealing with: farce or the real deal.

Answer: The real deal. It's been an incredible streak. The Green Bay Packers were hit with an incredible string of injuries but they overcame them and won the Super Bowl. Then the Milwaukee Bucks suffered a series of injuries and the absent players ended up casting the Bucks season upon the rocks of disappointment. Wondering which way the Brewers will respond is the Sixty Four Thousand dollar question.

7. The designated hitter rule: farce or the real deal?

Answer: It's been a farce from the start and continues to be a farce. There is absolutely no rational reason for one league to have the rule and the other one to not have it. Especially now that inter-league play has become so popular. But Bud Selig is no dummy and he doesn't show much inclination to change the rule and stop the arguing. He knows that as long as people are arguing about this rule and whether Pete Rose should get into the Hall of Fame, there's not going to be as much attention to the real serious problems that afflict the game, things like the length of the game and performance enhancing drug use.

8. The let rule in tennis. The rule says that on a serve, if the ball hits the net and lands in the service box, the serve must be repeated. Farce or the real deal?

Answer: Farce. Why have a rule like this? I mean if you hit a great backhand and it hits the net and is in, that point counts. Why is it different for a serve? Shouldn't be.

9. Soccer: farce or the real deal?

Answer: Farce. No matter how hard I try, I just don't get it. The sport reeks with fake drama (players flopping all over the pitch like they've just been shot through of holes by the mafia), murderous fans who drink, pee in the stands and brawl with anyone who is from the other team. And most of all, a secret clock so that nobody -- players, coaches, fans, television broadcasters -- know how much time is left in the game. What kind of sport allows just one man to keep and be aware of the time? Ridiculous.

10. The hush that settles over a crowd at a PGA tournament when a player is about to hit a shot or putt: farce or the real deal?

Answer: Farce. Aaron Rodgers comes to the line in Philadelphia and the Eagle fans create a roar that makes hearing virtually impossible. Let's let the crowd roar "you 'da man" over every shot. What makes golf seem like it's holier than noon mass?