To: Newt Gingrich

From: Jay Bullock

Re: A Test for Muslims

Mr. Gingrich, last week you said, "We should frankly test every person here who is of a Muslim background, and if they believe in Sharia law, they should be deported."

While many people got offended by that remark, what I heard instead was a call to design a test. This is my wheelhouse! As a high school teacher, I design assessments all the time; it's one of my favorite parts of the job.

So, Mr. Gingrich, I offer to you, free of charge, this test that you can administer to whomever you wish. I have included an answer key as well, just in case. Thank you for your consideration. The test begins below.

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Section 1: Multiple choice

1. How many articles are there in the Constitution of the United States?

A.) One

B.) Seven

C.) 12

D.) 27

Answer: B.) Seven.

This is important. If you want to be considered a real American, you ought to know some basic facts about its foundational document! Not knowing the Constitution might be a sign that you are disloyal to the U.S. and its freedoms.

2. Is Barack Obama ...

A.) Dumb

B.) A Muslim

C.) A Muslim sympathizer

D.) None of the above

Answer: D.) None of the above.

People are probably going to find this question easy, since Republican National Convention speaker Scott Baio got the process of elimination started by saying, "I don't think he's dumb." People of true Muslim faith would also recognize that Obama's long history of being Christian means he's not a Muslim, and "sympathizer" is a weasel word used by people who don't know what they're really talking about, so the answer has to be none of the above.

3. Which of these is not protected by the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States?

A.) Freedom to assemble

B.) Freedom of the press

C.) Freedom to seek redress of grievances

D.) Freedom of speech

Answer: Trick question!

They are all there in the First Amendment! Those four freedoms – and only those four freedoms. There is no way, Mr. Gingrich, you or I would ignore one of the freedoms found in the First Amendment. Nope. No way.

4. Which of these tenets of Sharia law is most incompatible with the American way of life?

A.) The prohibition against making a big show of your religious piety

B.) The prohibition against usury or getting rich by exploiting others

C.) The obligation to help the poor and sick among us

D.) The prohibition against cheating on your spouse and divorce

Answer: This is a tough one. Really, you should probably give credit for any answer here; the Republican Party, yourself and your presidential nominee included, rejects every single one of those, and we all know Republicans are the real Americans!

5. Terrorist attacks on American soil are most likely to be committed by ... 

A.) Foreign-born Muslim extremists

B.) Radicalized American-born Muslims or other Muslim U.S. citizens

C.) Far-right American-born conservatives

D.) The Canadian band Nickelback?

Answer: C, by a longshot.

6. Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has flip-flopped on whether to "ban Muslims" from entering the United States ... 

A.) One time

B.) Three times

C.) Four times

D.) Five or more times

Answer: Currently C, but depending on when you administer this test, the answer may well be D.

Section 2: Short answer

7. Does President Obama have a serious plan to screen out terrorists from Syrian refugees? If so, explain it. If not, explain what such a process should be.

Suggested answer: Refugees should be subject to the highest possible level of security screening of anyone who wants to come to the United States. It should involve as many as nine separate steps and should take up to 18 months to get through. It must include checks by agencies ranging from our own FBI and State Department to the Department of Defense and Interpol. Refugees should be denied entry to the U.S. for any connections at all to any known "bad actors" or terrorists anywhere in the world. They should be repeatedly interviewed by many different interrogators who undergo strict training to identify potential threats. In the end, the U.S. should admit fewer than one per cent of the worldwide refugee population. Seems thorough and serious, doesn't it? And yes, that is Obama's current plan!

8. Was the post-9/11 Muslim surveillance plan implemented by the New York City Police Department a major success at stopping terrorist attacks or a brazen violation of civil liberties that ended in a lawsuit and the program being shut down by hardline police Commissioner Bill Bratton? Show your work.

Suggested answer: The NYPD program was not very good at stopping terrorist plots, and Bratton totally scrapped the program, which did lead to a lawsuit against the NYPD settled earlier this year. Anyone who cites that program as a justification for "tests" against Muslims or increased surveillance of Muslim communities would be an idiot, right?

Section 3: Essay question

9. Imagine the year is 2017. Donald Trump is president, and Newt Gingrich is secretary of state (I know, Mr. Gingrich, that you're itching to be included in a Trump administration!). In a 300-500 word essay, explain what day-to-day life would be like if you're a practicing Muslim in the U.S.

Suggested answer: Since the question calls for people to use their imaginations, answers will vary. However, there are some things we know will probably happen in Muslim communities around the country.

First, the anti-Muslim rhetoric from a Trump White House and his cabinet could compromise the safety of Muslims across the U.S. It is already true that Islam attracts those who hate; we see that in everything from record numbers of attacks on mosques to the 2012 Sikh temple shooting here in Wisconsin where the murdered mistook turban-wearing Sikh worshippers for Muslims. Imagine how much worse it would be with the tacit – or even explicit – permission from the Commander in Chief to go ahead and hate and scapegoat Muslims for whatever grievances people may have.

Second, whatever remaining standing the United States may have left in the international community will be compromised. Barack Obama and the current administration has done what it could to make up for the sins of the recent Bush administration, whose foreign policy seemed designed to intimidate and antagonize the Muslim world. Even today, when our allies in Europe are seeing a marked increase in violence perpetrated or inspired by groups like ISIS, their leadership is unimpressed with Trump's call to ban Muslims from entering this country and stoking fears against Islam worldwide. This may hold repercussions for American Muslims, if their international friends and families won't or can't come to the U.S. to visit. It affects us all if the U.S. is ostracized from the international community as a whole.

Finally, if we learned nothing from the last, oh, 450 or so years of American history, it's that creating an underclass, using demagoguery and the power of the state to tear down others because it's easier than lifting yourself up out of the depths of your own prejudice, is a terrible idea. The toll in human lives, dignity and even capital – I mean, if you can't get someone like Trump to care about people, you might be able to get him to care about the economics! – is breathtaking in its historical scope and heartbreaking in its continued depth.

America at its best is so much better than that. We are a nation that began from the crazy idea that all men are created equal, that there should not be – that there must not be – an underclass. As many people smarter than I have pointed out over the years, we're still working toward that ideal. The last few weeks, at home and abroad, have taught us that what the world needs more of now is not hate but love, not exclusion but inclusion, not trumpery but authentic truth, not discrimination but inclusion.

*****

So, Mr. Gingrich, there you go: a whole test that you can give to all the Muslims in the country and any asking for entry. If you need anything else, you know where to find me. Good luck in all your future exclusionary endeavors!