By Matt Mueller Culture Editor Published Jan 14, 2024 at 11:01 AM

After a one-year hiatus, the Green Bay Packers are back in the playoffs, complete with a match-up pulled straight out of ESPN and the NFL marketing department's dreams: the Dallas Cowboys and former Packer head coach Mike McCarthy. 

There's no shortage of elements to debate and discuss surrounding Sunday's big game. Will Jordan Love keep up his blazing late-season form, or will the pressure of the playoffs rear ugly results from the newbie starter? Will star cornerback Jaire Alexander play after yet another bizarre off-field storyline? How will the McCarthy fare against his former squad – and if he adds another playoff choke job to his resume, will trigger-happy owner Jerry Jones end the coach's tenure at the helm? Do the Packers get extra points for Jordan Love helping pull a random stranger's car out of a snowdrift?

But what about the most important question surrounding this high-profile game between two iconic, time-honored NFL franchises: Who has the better famous fans?

Unsurprisingly considering the two beloved brands, the Packers and Cowboys will have a ton of celebs cheering them on Sunday – but whose cheers should mean more? To solve these very important and critical questions once and for all, I'm bringing back my patent-pending, intense, peer-reviewed scientific method – aka completely ridiculous and arbitrary head-to-head match-ups. It was either that or swigging a bunch of ayahuasca and heading into a week-long darkness retreat in the hopes that the universe would provide me answers. So completely ridiculous and arbitrary head-to-head match-ups it is!

So whose famous fans reign supreme – and therefore get to claim the title of America's team? Let's overanalyze pure silliness and find out!

Dunder-Mifflin melee

Brian Baumgartner vs. Jenna Fischer

Packers: When "The Office" star Brian Baumgartner played a Packers fan in a "Monday Night Football" segment last season, it wasn't a bit: He's actually a member of Packers nation, despite growing up in Falcons country and going to college in the Cowboys' backyard. 

He's even spread the good word of the Packers tailgate ... just don't ask him to bring the chili. 

Cowboys: Pam Beesly may only have eyes for Jim Halpert, but when it comes to real life, actress Jenna Fischer's sports crush is the Dallas Cowboys, as evidenced by all sorts of Cowboys star-spangled social media posts – including one even pitting herself against Brian Baumgartner. HEY, THAT'S MY SCHTICK!

Verdict: We've started with a tough one, as both show impressive commitment to their teams – definitely more commitment than Kevin ever showed learning math or Pam showed going to art school. We're gonna need a tiebreaker: SEND IN VICKERS!

That's right: Will Ferrell is a Packers fan. Or at least was in notable attendance at a Packers game, as he's also a Seahawks fan and is known for dive-bombing sporting events all over the place. But still, we need a tiebreaker here – and unlike during the Hilary Swank debate, Michael Scott's not walking through that door anytime soon. Point: Packers

Talk show host tussle

Ellen DeGeneres vs. Kelly Clarkson

Packers: What's Ellen dancing to? Probably "Bang the Drum All Day," because the former afternoon talk show titan, Oscar host and selfie extraordinaire is a Packer backer – so much so she brought her fandom into Jerry Jones' notorious booth at AT&T Stadium for another big Cowboys-Packers bout in 2019. Cheesehead hidden, though. AND SHE CALLS HERSELF A FAN!

Cowboys: The first "American Idol" winner's life would suck without the Dallas Cowboys, as Clarkson's a mega-fan of (*sarcastic quotes*) "America's team." The Fort Worth native even hosted the NFL Honors last year in a full Dallas Cowboys gown , almost turned famous Cowboys troll Stephen A. Smith into a full-time fan and wrote the team a pump-up song in 2012. It didn't work – they missed the playoffs – but hey, it's the effort that counts. And isn't there something about what doesn't kill you make you stronger, stand a little taller?

Verdict: Ellen's fandom heart belongs entirely to the Packers? To quote unspeakably powerful individuals, no, that's not the truth: DeGeneres is also a New Orleans Saints fan, as a NOLA native. 

And with that, the Cowboys get the point. As Justin Guarini learned the hard way, you just can't beat Kelly Clarkson. Point: Cowboys. 

"Bachelor" battle

Joey the new "Bachelor" vs. Chris Harrison

Packers: Tennis may be the new "Bachelor" star's game, but when he wants something a little more hard-hitting, he roots for the Green Bay Packers. Yes, despite growing up in Steelers and Eagles country and living in Hawaii, according to "The Today Show," he cheers for the green and gold. Because of course the tennis pro would love Jordan Love.

Cowboys: When he's not teasing the MOST DRAMATIC, MOST EMOTIONAL AND MOST UNPREDICTABLE television episodes of all time, the "Bachelor" frontman is a Cowboys fan – from defending Jerry Jones on the radio to poking fun at his star quarterback like any good and proper fanatic.

Verdict: Pardon me, I meant to say Harrison is the FORMER "Bachelor" frontman. Harrison may be the face of the franchise's past, but Joey is literally the face of its present – therefore, Joey, will you accept this cheesehead foam rose? (Note: I will redact this when Joey inevitably mishandles the final few episodes of his season and needlessly shatters multiple hearts.) Point: Packers

Broadcaster bout

Erin Andrews vs. Skip Bayless

Packers: Before she became Fox's number one NFL sideline reporter and had to consider pesky things like ethics (lol who needs 'em – just ask Charissa Thompson), Andrews grew up a Packers fan and rocked the full Clay Matthews while covering college football back during her ESPN days. And while she may tamp down her Green Bay fandom these days for the sake of impartiality, like any good Packers fan, she still deals with aggravated gameday texts from her father. He's probably asking her for the scoop on Jaire Alexander's ankle as we speak ... 

Cowboys: The media loves talking about the Dallas Cowboys, but in Skip Bayless' case, it's personal: He's an actual Cowboys fan, so much so he has a ton of Dallas Cowboys jerseys. Or at least HAD:

Verdict: Andrews is one of the most famous and recognizable figures in live sports, whereas Bayless is sports media Satan and everything wrong about today's media personified. Don't ask me, though: ASK COWBOYS FANS, who don't even want to claim him and truther his fandom. Which ... well, he does make it easy:

This is a decision as easy as not turning on "Undisputed." Point: Packers

Hoops hullabaloo

Anthony Davis and Joel Embiid vs. Russell Westbrook and Shaq

Packers: If the Packers ever need to assemble a Monstars-like basketball superteam, they'll have an awesome frontcourt. Despite hailing from Chicago and playing in New Orleans and Los Angeles, superstar unibrowed center Anthony Davis reps the Green Bay Packers on the regular – mainly just because he had some friends on the team and the affinity for the green and gold stuck. (We'll take it!)

Meanwhile, defending MVP Joel Embiid doesn't feel the love for his fellow Brotherly Love sportsmen, instead rooting for the Packers – so much so he got trolled by the Eagles after they beat the Pack a few seasons ago. 

Cowboys: Russell Westbrook's called a lot of cities home over his NBA career, but one thing stays consistent: He roots for the Cowboys, popping up on the team's sideline, wearing Deion Sanders jerseys into his games and tweeting his love for them. 

Meanwhile, it would only make sense that Big Diesel would be a fan of Big D – so much so he recently bet Stephen A. Smith his 50-acre Texas farm that his Cowboys would win the Super Bowl. Welp, pre-emptive congrats to Smith on his new property!

Verdict: Considering how many ads Shaq is in these days, his endorsement goes only as far as a Shaqaroni pizza. But even if you disqualify Shaq, that leaves Westbrook and so many other NBA players that ESPN wrote a whole (puff) piece about how many hoops all-stars past and present love the blue-and-silver star in Texas – from LaMarcus Aldridge to Chris Paul to J.R. Smith to Grant Hill and more. That makes this a slam dunk decision. Point: Cowboys

Oval Office onslaught

Joe Biden vs. George W. Bush

Packers: Politically, Wisconsin's a purple state – but when it comes to the current president, everyone in the state can agree that his taste in football teams scores high on the approval ratings. Thanks to the Norbertines and some good ol' classic Catholic guilt, President Biden is a Packers fan. Now all I want to know is if he sent Obama a smacktalk text last Sunday after his Bears lost (again) to the Pack.

Cowboys: When he's not painting portraits (because sure), the former president is a Cowboys fan – unsurprising considering his Texan origins. He's been a regular friend in Jerry Jones' star-studded booth – not surprising considering he was a Lone Star state sports owner for a while himself – and has been a regular part of big Cowboys games, like special tributes and coin tosses. Though maybe we don't let him do the latter since he almost botched his most recent one:

Verdict: Nice work, Matt, ruining this otherwise light-hearted and innocent sports culture piece with POLITICS! AND IN AN ELECTION YEAR AT THAT! In the spirit of bipartisanship, though, I'm going to call it a tie! No one can be mad at that! Everyone loves compromise! (*tomatoes fly from all sides*) Point: Both

The CW soap skirmish

James Van Der Beek vs. Chace Crawford

Packers: When he's not dispensing excellent stove-cleaning tips on social media, the former "Dawson's Creek" star can be seen cheering on the Packers (and clearly teaching the next generation the right way to be) every Sunday. So how did he gain his Packers patronage? Because New England fans are too annoying even for this Connecticut native, apparently, so he pivoted to the Packers as a kid thanks to Favre's gunslinger ways and only grew to love the team more as he learned more. 

Cowboys: Gossip Girl, here – and the secret's out, Upper East Siders: Nate Archibald's a Dallas Cowboys fan and has been for a long time. The current "The Boys" star grew up in Lubbock, Texas, so naturally they found themselves rooting for the Cowboys – a lot. In fact, he claims one of his family's Christmas cards in the '90s had them all decked out in Starter Cowboys jackets. How this photo isn't somewhere on the internet: gravely disappointing. Gossip blogs, you've let me down. 

Verdict: They're both clearly hardcore fans of their respective squads – but only one of them gets to claim they're now literally related to his favorite team's former quarterback. Point: XOXO, Cowboys – oh dang it, Dawson, not again!

G.O.A.T. grapple

Simone Biles vs. LeBron James

Packers: Thanks to picking up her husband Jonathan Owens, the Packers also picked up the greatest gymnast of all time as a superfan this past season. Biles goes beyond simply hopping on the bandwagon, though, regularly showing up on the sidelines , coming up with awesome new green-and-gold fashion and even getting the official sign of Green Bay approval: some foam headgear from Frozen Tundra Man. 

Cowboys: James' may be one of Ohio's most famous sons, but his fandom took its talents to the South – not South Beach (sorry, Dolphins) but to the Cowboys. Well, at least for a good while. He officially bailed on the Cowboys a few years ago, now choosing his hometown Cleveland Browns. If only there was some precedent for LeBron's favor going down south only to return home ... 

Verdict: Comparing two of the best athletes of a generation is a fools' errand ... but I am indeed a fool. I say the gold should go to the person with the most Olympic gold – and in that case, Biles has four to James' mere two. (Slacker.) Not to mention, while James has taken over basketball and changed the game in many ways, Biles has LITERALLY changed gymnastics with four whole moves pioneered and named after her. That's right: not one, not two, not three ... 

Above all else, though, you know how rough things have to be when people are CHOOSING the Cleveland Browns over you? Point: Packers

Thespian throwdown

Jodie Foster vs. Denzel Washington

Packers: Forget Hannibal's famous mask: The most important headgear in Jodie Foster's life is actually a cheesehead. Yes, the award-winning actress revealed in 2016 on "Conan" that she is a Packers fan – complete with the cheese foam fashion statement to prove it. Five years later, she'd prove it even more by name-dropping then-Packers QB Aaron Rodgers in her Golden Globes acceptance speech, surely the first Packer ever thanked in a Hollywood awards show. (Until I win an Oscar and thank Samkon Gado just because he seems like a swell dude.)

Cowboys: Sorry, Titans; when it comes to football, the Oscar winner and acting great forgets Tennessee (and his native New York) and chooses Dallas. Apparently, back in his high school sports days, the performer wanted to go to Texas Tech University, which brought his eye to Texas football in general – and inevitably brought Washington to his Cowboys fandom that lives on strong today, regularly showing up at training (day) camps and even giving the team pep talks. And I bet those pep talks were all Best Actor worthy.

Verdict: I want to go off Oscar wins, but both of them have two – plus a landslide of iconic roles before, after and in between their victories. The edge ends up going to Denzel, though, because you watch that video of Denzel explaining the origins of his Cowboys fandom, and man, when he starts smiling and getting winsome about the team, I almost think about becoming a Dallas fan too. (Almost. He's a great actor, but he's not THAT good.) Point: Cowboys

Rescue ruckus

Denis Leary vs. Rob Lowe

Packers: Despite being an iconic Masshole, "Rescue Me" star and comedian Denis Leary somehow became a fan of the Green Bay Packers. How? A joke gone wrong, of course. According to Leary, he tried pranking his Pats fan brother by rooting for the Packers as a bit ... only to actually start rooting for the Packers legitimately. Sounds to me like a joke gone right!

Cowboys: Even before he became a rescue ranger on "9-1-1: Lone Star," lead Rob Lowe's heart went to the Lone Star-wearing Cowboys, showing up to training camp out in California for years. Because who else was he going to watch out in L.A. before the Rams and Chargers made their leap to the West Coast?

Verdict: Sure, Leary may have split loyalty, rooting for the dastardly Pats as well as the Pack – but at least he wasn't the LITERAL face of wishy-washy cowardice like Lowe was when he infamously wore an "NFL" hat to the NFC Championship game between the Packers and Niners. Because I guess he was just rooting for everyone to have a nice time? Even in his interview at Cowboys camp, Lowe says he loves the Cowboys AND A BUNCH OF OTHER TEAMS! Spineless, Traeger! Point: Packers

Rap icon rumble

Lil Wayne vs. Jay-Z

Packers: Perhaps the crown prince of Packers fandom, Lil Wayne became a fan when the Packers won the Super Bowl in his native New Orleans and has continued to sing the praises of the green and yellow – quite literally, remixing the hit song "Black & Yellow" into a Green Bay rally anthem. He's also attended several big games, led Lambeau in the singing of "Roll Out the Barrel" and told off Skip Bayless several times to his face – so he basically deserves an honorary spot in the Ring of Honor at this point.

Cowboys: Mr. Beyonce Knowles is famous for his Yankees fandom and his general love of Brooklyn hoops. But when it comes to football, thanks to his dad growing up and, erm, the style of the team, he pays no mind to the Empire State of Mind and is instead a Cowboys backer, even earning Jerry Jones box privileges – aka the "Roll Out the Barrel" of Dallas Cowboys culture. 

Verdict: They're both icons – but Lil Wayne crafted an anthem for the Green Bay Packers, while Jay-Z ... wrote an anthem for a completely different city than Dallas referencing a bunch of sports teams, none of which were the Cowboys. With that, Tha Carter beats Mr. Carter in this case. Point: Packers

Stand-up smash-up

Larry the Cable Guy vs. Chris Rock

Packers: Git 'er done: the comedian's catchphrase as well as the key to his sports fan affections, apparently. In addition to marrying a Sconnie – and because he hails from Nebraska, where the closest thing to pro football is the Huskers and that BARELY qualifies as football these days – the country-fried stand-up comedian became a Packers fan thanks to Brett Favre wearing a trademark "Git 'er done" shirt in Mr. Cable Guy's early days.

Cowboys: When people aren't asking him what it was like taking the most famous open-hand slap in live TV history, they should ask Chris Rock why he – a South Carolina native who's iconically NYC – is a Dallas Cowboys fan. No matter the reasoning, judging from some past tweets, he's committed to the Cowboys.

Either that, or he's just REALLY a fan of Westerns.  

Verdict: Chris Rock is the more iconic, funnier comedian – and while getting slapped and berated on live television by a fellow famo is a brutal career low, "Cars 2" is somehow worse. Point: Cowboys

Pop star scuffle

Justin Timberlake and Harry Styles vs. Selena Gomez and Post Malone

Packers: When I think "SexyBack," I obviously think Green Bay tailgates and B.J. Raji dancing in the endzone. So of course Justin Timberlake roots for Green Bay – and even shotgunned a beer in the parking lot – thanks to Brett Favre's Southern gunslinger vibes back in the '90s as well as the whole charming "owned by the fans" thing. (It helps that, as a Memphis native, the Pack's competition is the USFL's Memphis Showboats, who only sometimes exist.) 

The new generation of boy band superstars apparently love the Packers too, as Harry Styles – despite hailing from the land of a very different football – is a massive cheesehead. Thanks to a roommate from Appleton, Styles was introduced not only to American football but to the greatness that is the Green Bay Packers – and this roommate did such a good job that Styles is still a major Packer backer, complete with an oval G tattoo. Whoever you are, Mystery L.A. Roommate From Appleton: You never pay for a drink in Wisconsin again. 

Cowboys: The heart wants what it wants – and in Selena Gomez's case, it wants a Cowboys victory as the pop star, "Only Murders in the Building" actress and regular social media quitter loves her hometown team, even getting to perform their Thanksgiving halftime show a decade ago.

Joining Gomez in the Cowboys' tent is angsty pop rapper Post Malone, who also cheers for Dallas thanks to his childhood roots – originally from New York but moving to Texas as a kid. If only little Post Malone could see himself now, such a superfan that he's got a clothing line with the Cowboys and a Raising Cane's fast food chain collab with the team. (Where's our Harry Styles/Culver's team-up?) Better yet, he's earned a place in a level of mega-fan Valhalla that I didn't even know existed: He's an honorary member of a Cowboys group text with CeeDee Lamb, Michael Irvin, Dez Bryant and more. What, no AIM buddy list?

Verdict: I originally assumed Styles' tattoo would easily give Styles and Green Bay the win ... but then I discovered Post Malone also has ink representing his team. (With maybe another to come?) So those two cancel each other out, leaving it up to Gomez versus Timberlake – and not only has the former NSYNCer won more Grammys, but when put on the spot at the Super Bowl to announce his allegiance to either the Patriots or Eagles, he stood up for what's right:

SEE! That's how you stand up for your team! TAKE NOTES, ROB LOWE! Point: Packers

Movie star smackdown

Ryan Reynolds vs. Jamie Foxx

Packers: The famed "Deadpool" and "Free Guy" actor's attention is mostly on a different football team: his co-owned soccer team Wrexham AFC across the pond. When he bothers with American football, though, he goes for the Packers thanks to our two former superstar quarterbacks: Brett Favre for being the actor's sporting hero and Aaron Rodgers for reportedly providing him with some tickets.

Cowboys: Man, apparently every celebrity shows up for Cowboys camp – including famous superfan and Texas native Jamie Foxx, who in addition to regularly representing Dallas on his social media, made a friendly appearance at their 2019 and 2022 training camps. He even got to do an impression of Jerry Jones and lived to see another day! (Though maybe that's what his recent health scare was about ... )

Verdict: Foxx is by far the bigger fan – and Reynolds was last seen attending a Kansas City Chiefs game with The World's Most Famous Football Fan – so I want to give the point to the Cowboys. But then I remember, in this Marvel-ous battle between Deadpool and Electro ... 

... we have a Hulk. Point: Packers

And with that, the scoreboard says that the Packers' famous fans defeat the Cowboys' celebs, 9-6. That's just in the stands, though – so here's to the Packers pulling off a similarly spectacular victory on the field on Sunday. 

Matt Mueller Culture Editor

As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.

When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.